It's Khaki Thursday ya'll! Man I love this day. I doesn't matter how tired I am (I woke up at 4am to a fake noise I 'heard'), how sore I am (running....), how grumpy I am (a few days each month, or a random day, or because #existence), I always have a little smile in there somewhere because it's TODAY!
4 AM: (my magical, amazing brain) What was that? Was that the back door? (slide out of bed, retrieve shotgun, pray the intruder doesn't hear the creaky wood floors and pinpoint your location). Sneak, sneak, sneak. How can I open the door without the handle making noise? Turning it to the right opens it easier, but louder. Turning it left eventually opens it quietly, but I may be in the back of a U-Haul by then... How much time did I just waste worrying about that? Crap.
OPENS DOOR! AIMS! ....nothing. Like usual. What the heck am I hearing every night that is waking me up? This is why I used to sleep with earplugs in. Yes, that is dangerous, but if you can't hear the danger, does it really exist?
5 AM: I tried meditating. It's on my list of rajasic/tamasic things to work on this month. After a few minutes I found myself slightly slumped on my meditation cushion, arms crossed, and judging the voice guiding me. Not my voice, I was using guided meditation this time. But you're correct to think I was judging myself, that happens aaaalllllll the time.
Do you know what my biggest issue was? I felt like I was missing parts of the guide's story when I would drift in and out. He used so many adjectives to describe my serene surroundings, I wasn't able to keep up when I let go. So I kept focusing on the story. Then, I missed things, and I was frustrated. Mediation and me, we have a long way to go.
|I did get a sweet pic of my new jammies|
If you give, out of love, and do not receive, did you truly give? Lately I've felt if I spend any time thinking about how I didn't get something back in return for what I gave, then I gave selfishly. If I can give, and move on, and only notice (read:appreciate) what I get when I get it, and not think about it when I don't, then I'm giving selflessly, out of pure love, and with abandon. Removing the expectation of 'fair return' allows me to give without pain. It also allows me to spend copious amounts of time trying to wrap my mind around my own mind. This is why meditation escapes me.
It's run night again! Day 5 of official marathon training. Only 3 miles on the schedule for tonight. Zoom Zoom. Oh, and I ordered the Mizuno Wave Rider 20 yesterday. Scrumptious, I know.
What shoes do you wear?
What hangups do you have, that you could let go of?
What's for lunch?