Wednesday, January 20, 2010

A real thought, with real insight.

From Eddie Izzard:


"You have the American dream! The American dream is to be born in the gutter and have nothing. Then to raise up and have all the money in the world, and stick it in your ears and go PLBTLBTLBLTLBTLBLT!! That's a pretty good dream. "

I feel exactly this way about us. We really have no dream, other than to have more than the next person and not use it for any good. Just plug along until you get a break, then act as though you never were where you were to begin with. And then you die.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Just a random feeling

The walls can't contain me tonight. Sinking below the line of sight. Darkness blinds the shambles of the light. Fear resides in the day, if night could never end. How precious these few hours. Seeing life the way it was meant, before the dawn. If the sun gives life, it does strip it away. Clarity comes through a lack of vision, satisfied by no more than a view of truth. Close the eyes of life and find what is right.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Check it out

I have had a thought, to invent a pillow with rubber strips on the bottom, so while traveling you can prop it against the window and it will stay put. Unlike those rebel pillows that go rouge as soon as you get comfortable. Damn hippy pillows. But don't think that any of you "entrepreneurs" out there are gonna get a jump on me with this idea. I've already blogged it and it has been timestamped! You will soon see Vince promoting it. And it will NOT be available in stores. Accept for Walgreens, in their "as seen on tv" aisle. What a crock huh?

Thursday, January 14, 2010

This "IZZ" the best night ever. And ever and ever and ever.

I don't know about you, but I'm the friend that always drinks too much... Always fun on road trips. I'll get us there, but then....now what? What's scarier than getting back in the car 6 hrs from home and saying "ok, who's the least drunk?

This happened to me recently. Two friends and I went fa fa away, drank the drinky poo, laughed and laughed (and fell in love with the object of our evening), then made our way to the automobile. ... ... ... tick tock tick tock How long can we sit in this car at the curb before we have to move to avoid suspicion? "So who's the least drunk?". Well.... We did make it home, by 7am. Did you know that -5 degree temps can really straighten out your cloudy head? Works. Try it.

That was our trip to see the Izz. (moments of love and adoration edited out for your safety)

Where is this going?

So I'm sunburned tonight. You may not be able to tell, because of all the make up they put on me. They have to use a lot because I'm a vampire. (I've been reading the twighlight saga too much and have come to the conclusion that because I'm pale, like rain, and have the desire to live forever, I obviously have a future meeting with a vampire studmuffin who is my soulmate that I am yet unaware of. But aware of.). But under the make up, just above that vampire thing, is a sunburn. I have a sunburn because it is January. I'm sure you all understand the connection with this. I usually tan once a week in late fall through early winter. But come January, its time to cook. I know that if I burn, it shocks the skin into fight mode, and makes it want to be tan so it can protect itself. Because of how I treat my skin, I can only assume that I am, in fact, a dermatologist. Now, I dont have a fancy degree, or any credentials, but I'm surely right. Right? So there.

The down side is that it makes me look sad, or tired. I have these lines right along my nose that seem to burn more than the rest of my face, and it looks as though I have been crying or blowing my nose alot. You men wouldn't know anything about this crying thing, because you have no feelings. Well, you have feelings, but only when your naked. Or a woman is naked. But then again that is an entirely different thing altogether isn't it?

I tan so that my teeth look whiter. And so my thighs look smoother. I can't quit smoking, because I'll get fat, and I'm way too lazy to work out if I get fat. I tan. It keeps my smile bright and my legs tight (looking). If only I lived in a world where I could walk around all day in a bikini sipping margaritas. Then I wouldn't care what I looked like. Strange how alcohol can make you feel so much better about yourself, unless your a downer drinker, then, you probably should stay away from it.

Why do we feel so bad when we leave a job? Do we really believe that we are the only ones that are capable of doing our job, or do we really feel remorse for those we leave behind with no help? Isn't that THEIR job? To find a replacement? Maybe I'm just different. Ok, I know I'm different, but didn't think I was weird like that. I hate leaving jobs because I get all emotional when people say they will miss me. They should just tell me everyday that they love me more than two moons love the sun. That would be fantastic. But then I do leave, and go somewhere else and I like it or I don't, then I leave again. I recently left my job for another so that I could be closer the the university that I plan to attend in the fall. I have no degree path, just that I want to graduate from college. Whether I am a wedding planner or a turfgrass manager or can inspect pigs for breeding. It makes no difference, I don't plan on getting a job that would require a degree. Being myself cannot be taught with formal education. This is by far the most boring conversation I have ever had.

I rolled over the other night after being sunburned, onto what I thought was a bed of needles. My stomach hurt so bad. Why does the sun make our skin feel as if we have packing tape all over us? Its just the sun! We have skin for a reason. If our skin is meant to protect our insides, shouldn't it do a better job of taking care of itself? Jimminy Christmas.

Last weeks mind is next years bestseller.

On a recent trip through Missouri, I began to notice the broad variety of activities. Family destinations, vinyards.....and butt plugs.

I have never seen so many off the wall sights to see, and so close to adult superstores. SUPERSTORES! The largest type of store, ever! Anywhere! I also counted a large number of the worlds largest fireworks stands, where they conveniently sell beer. That's handy, just one stop. Once, I saw a sign for the WORLDS LARGEST ROCKING CHAIR!: next right! But of course I didn't turn. However, a few miles down the way was a regular sized rocking chair bolted to a billboard. Now, at 75 mph I didn't catch what it was supposed to be advertisting. I just assumed that it was the actual largest rocking chair, and was terribly disappointed. A lot of people name their business after themselves. What do you do with Joe's Carpet when its time to turn the business over? Do you stay Joe's Carpet, or do you become Carpet store formerly known as Joe's? But I would like to have my name in letters that size someday.

I get that strange look from people the further north I go. The look like I have half a piece of pizza on my face and underwear on my head. I get it when I say hi. Maybe they are all cyborgs and and they dont speak any english.

So, vinyards. My friend thought they were groves of tiny baby trees. All those grapes growing out of midwestern soil. Do you think that anyone in the world envies our wine? I like it, because it is cheap.

But the butt plug store was right next to the towns family bowling alley, and down the street from the 1st Baptist Church. Jesus is totally proud.