Thursday, January 14, 2010

Last weeks mind is next years bestseller.

On a recent trip through Missouri, I began to notice the broad variety of activities. Family destinations, vinyards.....and butt plugs.

I have never seen so many off the wall sights to see, and so close to adult superstores. SUPERSTORES! The largest type of store, ever! Anywhere! I also counted a large number of the worlds largest fireworks stands, where they conveniently sell beer. That's handy, just one stop. Once, I saw a sign for the WORLDS LARGEST ROCKING CHAIR!: next right! But of course I didn't turn. However, a few miles down the way was a regular sized rocking chair bolted to a billboard. Now, at 75 mph I didn't catch what it was supposed to be advertisting. I just assumed that it was the actual largest rocking chair, and was terribly disappointed. A lot of people name their business after themselves. What do you do with Joe's Carpet when its time to turn the business over? Do you stay Joe's Carpet, or do you become Carpet store formerly known as Joe's? But I would like to have my name in letters that size someday.

I get that strange look from people the further north I go. The look like I have half a piece of pizza on my face and underwear on my head. I get it when I say hi. Maybe they are all cyborgs and and they dont speak any english.

So, vinyards. My friend thought they were groves of tiny baby trees. All those grapes growing out of midwestern soil. Do you think that anyone in the world envies our wine? I like it, because it is cheap.

But the butt plug store was right next to the towns family bowling alley, and down the street from the 1st Baptist Church. Jesus is totally proud.

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