Looking forward by looking back

Have you ever had a deja vu moment? The kind that interrupts your day? The kind that you can't shake, that you know isn't just a 'feeling', the kind that calls out memories because it's a real thing?

I'm right there, in the swirling middle of one. Stuck between what I feel, what I see, and what I remember.

March something-th, 2007 I sat in my car in the parking lot of a large middle school, on the phone with my older brother. I poured bits of my uncertain heart out, with hesitation, because I didn't want to sound immature, afraid, or unprepared. He responded with thoughtful assurance, a few probing questions, and the great 'follow your heart' advice. I knew. I knew then how sure I was, about how unsure I was. I knew then what my heart wanted. I knew what God wanted. Did I listen? Well, you know how these stories go.

Last night I sat in the car, on the way home, with my future behind the wheel, and my uncertainty behind me, on the phone with my older brother. I didn't have to pour my uncertain heart out, because there was none. I didn't have hesitation to express my feelings, because I had none. I didn't worry about sounding immature, afraid, or unprepared, because I wasn't. He responded with the same thoughtful assurance, a few probing questions, and the great 'follow your heart' advice; and I knew. I new then how sure I was about how sure I was. I knew then what my heart wanted. I knew what God wanted. Did I listen? ....

As I prepare to embark on the next chapter of my life, I can't help but look back a little.  What would 30something year-old Leah say to 20something year-old Leah at this similar threshold? What advice would I give her? Really....none. That girl way back then is the girl that got me here today. God doesn't make mistakes. 

 

*I haven't been active on my blog in at least 2 years. I found this in my drafts folder and am disappointed that I never shared it with you. But, knowing what I know about how life works, I guess I wasn't supposed to share it until now. 

 You're welcome

#L

 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

That Dam 5k

Image
I found out yesterday that there is a 5k coming up in my area. The 'That Dam Lake Texoma 5k" is on 11/17. I feel like physically I am prepared for it, but gear-ly I am not. I still haven't bit it and bought new shoes. I won't need special shorts, shirts, socks, belts, sleeves, hats, etc. as a 5k doesn't require much fanciness. I need shoes, but first, I need the funds. Le sigh. This isn't a cry out for money, it's more like a cry out for someone to convince me to spend my money. I haven't spent that much on a pair of shoes in years. I became a frugal fanatic and push all belongings to the limit. Help! Last night I was back on the 'mill. Not defeated quite as early, but about 1.7 miles in I hit my wall. How silly! I pushed pushed pushed, and made it to 3.1 in just under 39 mins. S       L        O      W. I need to stop being so hard on myself, but if I'm not, how will I get better?! When I got home I started dinner. In a pinch I always make
Previous posts

Race Recap

Image
You may have seen my mini post on Saturday about my dismal race. I do hate being negative, but I was really unhappy with my performance. The breathing problems, the stumbling, the walking, the dramatics....I was a total mess. Today I want to show you all the awesome stuff leading up to the race! Muscle time!!! Making shirts for the race. Team 'Run Free: peace.love.run' in the house! Gear ready for the race. Nike tennis skirt (bad choice by the way. Rides all up in the wrong places), team shirt (Wal-mart), Brooks Ravenna 4.  (not pictured, SPI-belt)  We were so ready to go!! All smiles. M ran the race pushing her daughter, and not in a little jogging stroller, but in the fully enclosed bike trailer/stroller! And she beat me! Grrr. She was awesome! She said she was a little stoked that she beat me too. She should be. We aren't racing each other, but a W is a W. Made a shirt for her little girl. This is the back. Awwww.  Barking dogs afterwar
Previous posts

Boomer Sooner and the lame mile

Image
Friday night I had a horrible headache so I didn't run. I thought for a second that running may beat it out of me, but I'm glad I didn't try. The people at the gym may not like me enough to clean up after me if I barf on the 'mill. Chelsea, Aaron, me, and J Saturday I had free tickets to the OU game, so of course I went. I overslept til 9am when there came a knockin' at my door. It was myfriends there to pick us up! I had time to get ready, but no run time. We didn't get back home until 10.30pm, so no running then either! BOOMER SOONER!!! (side note: bossman saw this and said it's sad if that is the best pair of jeans I have. Yes, yes it is...) Sunday I finally got out on the road after church. Now, I've heard you are supposed to take time off from running to recover, but I had 2 days off and almost died! It seems over my start to running that time off = bad run for me. If I were a big-time runner like some of the ladies whose blogs I
Previous posts