Looking forward by looking back

Have you ever had a deja vu moment? The kind that interrupts your day? The kind that you can't shake, that you know isn't just a 'feeling', the kind that calls out memories because it's a real thing?

I'm right there, in the swirling middle of one. Stuck between what I feel, what I see, and what I remember.

March something-th, 2007 I sat in my car in the parking lot of a large middle school, on the phone with my older brother. I poured bits of my uncertain heart out, with hesitation, because I didn't want to sound immature, afraid, or unprepared. He responded with thoughtful assurance, a few probing questions, and the great 'follow your heart' advice. I knew. I knew then how sure I was, about how unsure I was. I knew then what my heart wanted. I knew what God wanted. Did I listen? Well, you know how these stories go.

Last night I sat in the car, on the way home, with my future behind the wheel, and my uncertainty behind me, on the phone with my older brother. I didn't have to pour my uncertain heart out, because there was none. I didn't have hesitation to express my feelings, because I had none. I didn't worry about sounding immature, afraid, or unprepared, because I wasn't. He responded with the same thoughtful assurance, a few probing questions, and the great 'follow your heart' advice; and I knew. I new then how sure I was about how sure I was. I knew then what my heart wanted. I knew what God wanted. Did I listen? ....

As I prepare to embark on the next chapter of my life, I can't help but look back a little.  What would 30something year-old Leah say to 20something year-old Leah at this similar threshold? What advice would I give her? Really....none. That girl way back then is the girl that got me here today. God doesn't make mistakes. 

 

*I haven't been active on my blog in at least 2 years. I found this in my drafts folder and am disappointed that I never shared it with you. But, knowing what I know about how life works, I guess I wasn't supposed to share it until now. 

 You're welcome

#L

 

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