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Showing posts from October, 2020

Looking forward by looking back

Have you ever had a deja vu moment? The kind that interrupts your day? The kind that you can't shake, that you know isn't just a 'feeling', the kind that calls out memories because it's a real thing? I'm right there, in the swirling middle of one. Stuck between what I feel, what I see, and what I remember. March something-th, 2007 I sat in my car in the parking lot of a large middle school, on the phone with my older brother. I poured bits of my uncertain heart out, with hesitation, because I didn't want to sound immature, afraid, or unprepared. He responded with thoughtful assurance, a few probing questions, and the great 'follow your heart' advice. I knew. I knew then how sure I was, about how unsure I was. I knew then what my heart wanted. I knew what God wanted. Did I listen? Well, you know how these stories go. Last night I sat in the car, on the way home, with my future behind the wheel, and my uncertainty behind me, on the phone with my